asking for help

I know I haven't written about anything this summer that has caused a lot of thinking, been inspiring, or thought-provoking in any way.  I've been slacking off on this blog of ours.  And, as with most of the blogging Mommas I know out there, when they slack off in writing on their blog, it usually means that it's because the reigns they usually have on their crazy life have been taken over by other things....and our family is no different.

I've been the average chauffeur mom this summer.  Driving from sports camp to swimming lessons to story time (thank God for Aunt Dani) to the zoo to aunt Dani's house to work to t-ball games, etc.  It's the end of the fiscal year in the fund raising world and this is the time when we're busy at work...finishing up everything that needs to be done before the year end.  This is the time of year when my house needs to be cleaned, the yard needs to be mowed, we want to go swimming, to the lake, go camping, etc.  Which in turn causes extra laundry, 'fast' meal plans, and more driving.
Don't take these words the wrong way.  I'm not complaining.  I love these summer days.

But, 'being busy' isn't the focus of my theme for writing today nor is how fast I feel like the summer is flying by.  Nope, today's topic of conversation is 'asking for help'.  You see, the hardest thing for this Momma to do is ask for help.  I'm just not very good at it.  I have the same mindset of most Moms out there…the same expectation that I can do it all.  That I will do it all.  And, I will do it all, without help, on my own and that I should know everything about motherhood. After all, I am the Mom….and, aren’t all the other Moms out there ‘doing it all’ without help from others?

Here's what I want to write about today:

Some of our close friends and family know that our sweet Andrew has been having a difficult time for the past year or so in one area: communication.  He tries so hard to tell us what he needs, what he’s hungry for, what he wants to watch on TV, but most of the time, we have a hard time understanding him.  I mean, we’ve learned what most of his words mean, but to the outsider…he would make no sense whatsoever.

It was hard for me to pick up that phone.  To call someone.  To actually admit that Andrew might be behind the learning curve.  That my sweet, spunky, loving two and a half year old might have an issue with speaking correctly…with learning…with hearing…or understanding.  I was on the verge of tears as I explained to TK why I was calling.  No mom wants to admit that there might be something developmentally different with their children.  But, I did it, I made that phone call…and I asked for help.

I explained to TK that we have a hard time understanding Andrew and that he seems to be behind in speech compared to when our older son was his age.  I explained that he tries to say words, but they just don’t come out sounding right, but that we’ve learned them and can now usually understand what he’s saying.  The issue we’re having is that Andrew gets very, very frustrated because we don’t always understand him.  To the point that he hits, growls, and cries because he can’t communicate with us.  It makes me sad…it upsets Parker….Brandon doesn’t know how to respond…but, worst of all…it makes Andrew feel like he can’t communicate with us.

Yesterday we had our second ‘evaluation’ and, whew, what a wonderful experience that was.  The two women that came to ‘evaluate’ Andrew and our family were so nice and open and explained everything to us in a way that made our situation feel like ‘not such a big deal’ and normal.  They tested Andrew’s hearing – which, praise God, was completely normal, they played with Andrew, talked to him about da-boos (turtles) and baa (batman) and ah-blehs (frogs), and they asked us many, many questions about Andrew’s speech and behavioral patterns.  Andrew answered questions with ‘Aye!’ (yes) and showed off his Star Wars guys.  He showed them his hi-yas (swords) and asked for ‘atte’ (chocolate milk), he named the colors he knows (blue, orange, and red), told them how old he is, and put on a good show for our visitors.  I am very proud of Andrew for doing so well and being so open with our visitors.

And, after all of that, the speech therapist told us that, yes, my instincts were right…Andrew is developmentally behind and not pronouncing words as well as most kids his age and he doesn't know sounds like 'average' toddlers his age.  Something that I was hoping was all in my head, was now spoken…it was out there…and now that's it's out there, I know I can't be sad or question my parenting, but we need to focus on this and help Andrew be the smarty pants we know he is.

I was so relieved to have these experts in our home.  Experts who sat on the floor with Andrew to really get to know him…to really understand what’s challenging us every day.  They gave us some things to practice.  They taught us some techniques to make Andrew’s life easier.  They gave Parker and Aunt Dani some ideas they can use to teach Andrew and help him to learn to communicate more effectively.  They helped us determine four outcomes from their time with us – ways to incorporate our whole family into the process – and they gave us reasoning for why Andrew may behave certain ways around certain people.  They told us (which I love) that we are Andrew’s safety zone.  That he feels most comfortable communicating with us (Brandon, Parker, and I) and that’s why he may not open up to others as easily; something I’ve been worried about for quite some time.  (Where Parker was never shy around others, Andrew hides behind me, clings to his brother's hand, and runs from people outside of his immediate family.)

We are all excited about this new knowledge we have.  In fact, Parker and Aunt Dani taught Andrew to make the ‘P’ sound the same day that our visitors came.  Andrew is a fast learner and I know he is (one day soon) going to surprise us all with the words he knows.  For now, we will work on some basic sounds, words, and actions that will help us all in communicating.  We will meet with TK once a week for the next few months to monitor Andrew’s skills and go from there.

I am so glad that I asked for help.  As a Mom, I sometimes feel like I should know everything about this Mommy gig.  But, to be honest, I am just learning as I go.  Sometimes I ace this test and sometimes I fail miserably, but I'm learning that as long as my boys are loved, thriving, and we (both Brandon and I) are trying our best, we will make it and the boys will be better people for both our aces and our failures.



**I know that there are kids out there who need much more help than Andrew and my heart is going out to those mothers and their littles.  This is the first time we’ve experienced anything like this.  Please understand that I know Andrew will learn new things and ‘catch-up’ with the kids his age – that’s why I wanted to start this process while he is so young – and that I know that there are many families out there with bigger challenges.  I just wanted to share what’s been heavy on my heart throughout the past few months so that I may help another Momma out there feel good about her instincts in asking for help.