I've had this post ready to 'publish' for a few weeks now. But, every time I feel like hitting that orange button, something happens. Something huge in a backward stride. Something that makes me question our progress...makes me feel like a failure as a Momma...something that makes me feel like I would be lying through all of these words I've written, if I hit that button. But, at the end of the day, when I look back at what we've done...even if there were tears...frustrations...stressful moments...all of those are helping us become stronger and learn new ways of handling different situations. So, in a (backwards kind of a) way, these moments are huge strides. I'd like you to read the words below, but know that everyday we also have set backs. But, instead of bringing us down, we've chosen to use the backwards strides to give us momentum to push ahead, to turn them into
huge strides. Keep moving forward.
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We've had so much change around our house lately. It seems like everyday something 'new' is happening....we are experiencing a whole new set of 'firsts'. The first day of Kindergarten, the first day back at daycare, the first school lunch, the first attempt at potty training, the first loose tooth, and the list goes on and on and on. And, while all of these new things are big, important, fun, and exciting milestones in our lives, there are so many little new things going on as well. Some new things that may seem like little strides to some, but in our house they are actually huge strides. Exciting strides. Much needed strides.
I think most of you probably remember me writing
this post a few weeks ago. It was difficult to write, but no matter how difficult it was, I felt like I needed to share it. And, as I wrote a few days after that, I am so glad I did. You wouldn't believe the number of people who have talked with me about this...everyone from my mom to an old co-worker (who I just happened to run in to at a conference). It's been amazing and I (we) are so blessed to have so much support, love, and kindness in our lives.
Fast forward to now...you all know that Parker started Kindergarten. If you're friends with me on Facebook, you know he has his first loose tooth. You know I'm a nervous wreck sending him off to school every day. But, something you don't know - he is most definitely, the most patient, loving, kind, big brother that walked the face of this earth. Nope, I'm not exaggerating.
Because of Parker's personality, he is enabling his brother to do so much, and before I go on and on and on about my little guy, I just had to point out how much influence Parker has on his little bro.
He is Andrew's number one guy.
It's amazing at how much can change in three months.
We've worked hard at this. I mean really hard. All of us. It's in our minds all the time. Every second of the day. Everything from watching He-Man and Power Rangers to what we're eating for dinner, involves a learning tool for Andrew. We've learned to take advantage of each and every moment we spend with our boys.
And, what we've learned from our friend at Tiny K really works.
Here are some of
our huge strides:
1. We've learned to give Andrew choices. Instead of asking 'What do you want for breakfast?' (Which resulted in Andrew telling us something that we didn't understand. Us guessing the wrong food. Andrew saying the food again. Us guessing wrong again. Andrew getting very upset. Me feeling awful because I couldn't get him what he wanted...you get the picture.) We've learned to ask something more like this: 'Would you rather have toast or waffles?' By doing this, we get a response from Andrew that either resembles toast or waffles and it makes it easier for us to guess. And, at the same time it's doing so much more. It's showing Andrew that we DO understand him. It makes me feel good that he understands what I'm asking him and I understand what he's saying. It gives us the opportunity to repeat the word back to him and he then hears the correct pronunciation of the word to maybe say it more clearly the next time. And, it makes him feel good. It makes him smile. It makes him feel like he's being understood.
2. Grandma Robbie would be upset if I didn't include this one. After months (maybe more like years) of us prompting Andrew to say the word 'Grandma', he did it. One day...completely out of the blue. We had Grandma Robbie's dog over for a stay at our house and we kept calling him by his name, Cherokee. Which is hard to say. Andrew was not going to have that. So...instead of calling him Cherokee, Andrew named Grandma Robbie's dog 'Gi Ma Ma's Dog'. We were beside ourselves with joy and so we got him to say more words with Gi Ma Ma in them. We would ask, 'Andrew, where did Gi Ma Ma go?' His answer, 'Gi Ma Ma went her home.' Amazing! Not only is he learning ways to cope with his language barriers, he is putting together (for the most part) complete sentences! This was definitely something to be celebrated at our house - definitely a huge stride!
3. Repetition. It's hard sometimes for me to understand this whole talking thing. I don't talk a lot. I don't like to repeat what I've said a million times. But, for a little guy that has a language barrier, this becomes a necessity. Not only so that he can learn to say things correctly, but to give him positive reinforcement that he is saying it right and that we understand what he's saying. So, this is what we do. We repeat. At the beginning I thought this was a problem. For me to repeat everything that Andrew says to me back to him. I thought it might be limiting him and that I was talking for him. But, after having lunch with a friend of mine the other day, I learned that this is important to kids with language issues. He wants me to reinforce that I understand him. He wants to make sure that I get it right. That I'm not going to bring him a banana when he really wants grapes. So, every time Andrew tells us something, we repeat it back to him. I'm not gonna say this helps everything...because sometimes it actually makes things worse. Like when we're waaaaay off on what Andrew is saying and we butcher his words. But, it helps us to know what we need to work on and when we
do get it right...well, let's just say we have one proud little man!
4. Coping. This is something we've all had to work on and I really believe we've made huge strides in this area. But, most of all, I've learned ways to help Andrew cope with his frustrations. I know that I can't eliminate every frustration he has...or that he will have when he leaves his comfort zone...but, I can teach him ways to cope with them. Andrew gets angry. Pretty fast. He's got a temper and it was at the point where Parker would run and hide from Andrew if he was upset. For fear of getting a fist to the head or a toy thrown at him. And, just in the past month or so, I've learned how to help Andrew cope with his temper. How to get through those frustrating moments. We've learned that we have to remove Andrew from the situation. Hold his arms close to his sides. And, think. Think of anything that makes Andrew happy. What does he want to play with? How can I divert his anger into doing something else? How can I get him to calm down so that I can explain to him that (whatever the problem was) it was not meant to hurt him? To get him to listen so that he can accept the situation and move on, like most of us would in that situation. To give him the opportunity to apologize or try again. This is probably my biggest worry with my little man and I'm so blessed to have an intensely patient personality (with my boys) that can handle this 'extreme two-year old' personality.
5. We all love to play. And, something we've learned from Tiny K is that we have to focus our learning time around Andrew's play time. If Andrew wants to play Power Rangers, we focus on the colors. If he wants to play Legos, we focus on counting. If we are watching a movie, we ask him questions about the movie and have him repeat things to us. From this, I've learned a lot about my smallest guy. Like, who his favorite Lego Ninja guy is...and each Ninja that he's assigned to people he loves. For example, Boo Boo (Cooper) is the black ninja. Bubba (Parker) is the blue ninja. Dad is the white ninja. Mam (who I believe is Cameron) is the green ninja...and so on. Unfortunately, I am one of the snakes. Go figure. I hate snakes. Andrew loves to assign roles to everyone in movies and I love to see who he's going to give to each of his favorite people. But, playing also brings out more words. I am still trying to learn some of them, but at this point in Andrew's learning process, I don't mind this. I want him to play. I want him to imagine and explore and even if his guys are talking a bunch of jibberish, I want him to keep doing that. Sometimes I try to intervene and understand his language world and sometimes I just let it be. He has the most amazing ability to just 'play' and I want him to always have that ability. This is a huge stride.
{Andrew used his own money to purchase these Power Rangers. In fact, he asked me to take him to the 'big store' so that he could pick out a new toy with his money. So, we did that, and for about two hours straight, he walked around the house with these two Power Rangers, saying: 'Go Go Power Rangers!'}
6. Unlike his older brother, my Andrew-Man is super duper shy. We've come a long way in this area, but there is still much to work on. He will now smile at people when they talk to him and sometimes he even talks back. The part that gets tricky is when they don't know what he's saying and they answer with something completely off the wall of what he is trying to communicate. Then he closes down. He puts his head down, hides behind my leg, wants to be held, or sometimes he'll even run and hide. We've been working on trying to repeat what he says so that others will know what he's talking about, but unfortunately, we won't always be there to do that for him. I am so proud of him for opening up to certain people that we know...his aunts and uncles, grandparents, our neighbors, our family friends...people who he once ran from, he is now playing with, talking to, and loving. This makes me smile and is something I am very proud of.
7. Parker's
love language is primarily
physical touch. I love this...probably because I love snuggling, hugs, kisses, and holding hands. And, while I studied this a few years ago and have always known this about Parker, I hadn't yet looked into Andrew's love language. But, in the past few months, I've refreshed myself with this theory and one more huge stride we've taken is to realize that Andrew's love language is
quality time. He wants us to get down on the ground and play He-Man, Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles, and Dragons with him. I love this as well. I love watching him play and learn and grow because of his imagination. He has grown so much because of our play time and our one-on-one attention. With Parker starting school, Andrew and I have had some more one-on-one time without big bro there to join us and I value this time so much because I really do feel like Andrew learns so much with each of these moments.
Andrew
is learning. He is growing and changing every day. The other day, I told a friend of mine that right now...in this very moment...I feel like I have no control. And it's been really hard for me to put into words the emotions we feel everyday with our little guy. Sometimes it's exhaustion. Sometimes it is overwhelming excitement for something new that he's learned. Sometimes it's sadness...then sometimes it is extreme joy. But, there's one thing that I know I have complete control of and that's what I thrive on and that is our love for our little man. No matter what obstacles we are thrown, we're in it together and full of love. And, I am so proud of all of these strides, big and small.
Happy Friday my friends! I know a lot of you have kids going off to school today and I know that some of them are heading to Kindergarten for their first day! That, in itself, is a million emotions flying everywhere...I'm thinking of all of you. We actually just found out who Parker's teacher is, last night and we couldn't be more thrilled!
We are looking forward to a great weekend and we wish you all the same!
