Instincts

I've written and re-written this post three times now.

I'm sitting here, trying to get up the courage to call the school district and tell them that we don't agree with the plan they have in mind for Andrew.

You see, I'm not very good at disagreeing with someone.  I get emotional (especially when it comes to my kids!).  I get defensive.  I'm just not very good at it.  I don't like it.  I don't know anyone who does.

And, today we made a decision. We decided that our instincts as parents are more important than anything else.

Today we are refusing special education services for Andrew through our school district. 

There are many reasons why we're doing this.  There's a long story about our meeting with the district, their evaluation of Andrew, and the many conversations since then about the situation.

I know some of you wouldn't agree with our decision.  But, in our hearts, we don't feel like Andrew is ready for what they wanted us to do.  It is overwhelming and we've decided to take a simpler, more private route in providing special services for our Andrew-Man.

Throughout the past few months we've been working with an organization called Tiny-K.  We've had the best experience and outcomes from working with our friend Aubrey, and Andrew has grown so much because of her work and our work in learning how to proactively teach Andrew how to communicate better.  But, now that Andrew is three years old, Tiny-K can no longer work with us and that is why we went to the school district to have Andrew evaluated.

Not knowing what the outcome of their evaluations were going to be, Brandon and I had no idea what to expect when we went in to meet with them.  And, while their evaluation seemed right in line with what we perceive Andrew's abilities to be, the outcome of the meeting was not.

So, I'm sharing this with you today, as a reminder that sometimes our instincts as parents are more important than anything else when making decisions for our children.  I'm not going to share our entire story with you, but I just want to remind everyone that it's okay to disagree with the 'experts'.  It's okay to say 'that's not right for our family'. It's okay to tell someone that you don't like that choice...and to ask if there are other options.  Just because society tells us we should raise our children 'this way'...you can raise your children 'that way' and they will be just fine.  In fact, I think good parents do this.

And, in this case, making that final decision, telling the school district that we didn't think this was right for Andrew, was the biggest relief.  I was worried about it and how I would feel afterwards.  By now (after hanging on to this post for more than four weeks), I've called the school district.  I've talked to the director of the special ed program.  But, our decision remains the same.

Andrew will start preschool in the fall.  He will work with a speech therapist while at school (who will come from the school district).  And, in the meantime, we will continue to educate and work with Andrew on his speech.

I'm thankful for everyone who has helped us through this process - Tiny-K, the school district, and our family and friends who have been there to talk to and have helped us in rationalizing our decision.

Whew.  Being a parent is hard.  Making decisions that will impact our kids for the rest of their lives is really hard. But in the end, Brandon and I know that this is the right decision for our family. 

**Please know that the special ed department in our school district worked with us to come up with a plan for Andrew - they were very helpful, knowledgeable, and kind throughout the entire process.  We will have Andrew work with them next fall and we are excited about that.  They were all great to work with and we are in no way implying that they don't provide excellent services for the kids in our community.  We've simply chosen to wait until we think Andrew is ready for preschool and the services they offer.