Turning Point

Sometime in the past week, my new life with two kids clicked. Maybe it was when Andrew started sleeping longer during the night, maybe it was having 3 snow days with the boys and getting more comfortable with EVERYONE in the house together without being able to leave, or maybe it was watching Parker and Andrew snuggle and smile at each other. And, while I know that all of these facts had something to do with it, I know that it was something more, something that a friend helped me realize. You see...I've been operating in "old mom" mode...the mom that had one child and had one child that was the center of the Universe. Everyday I would feel this sense of "mommy guilt" that would creep into my head (and my heart) every time I was with one of the boys. If I sent Parker to daycare and spent the day alone with Andrew, I felt like I was taking something away from Parker...if I let Andrew "play" in his crib while Parker and I read a book or played a game, I felt like I wasn't "bonding" with Andrew enough. It's an awful feeling, and mixed with the emotions of a new mom, it was seriously stressing me out.

So, I decided that I needed someone to help me with this. I have a few friends who have recently had their 2nd child and have kids Parker's age. And, there is one friend in particular, that always seems to tell it like it is and have her head in the right place. So, I sent her a message and asked for anything....advice, comfort, her own feelings, etc. What I got in return was EXACTLY what I needed to help me turn my thinking in the right direction and move into my "new mom" mode with two kids. Here are some of her words to me:

"I can relate to exactly how you're feeling and what you're going through! I, too, struggle with mommy guilt day in and day out. Sometimes I will lay in bed just trying to remember a full ten minutes of quality time I spent with Older Child during that day. And then if I can't think of it, I feel miserable and tell myself that I'll do better the next day. Truth is, it'll be the very next night and I'll be wondering the same thing!!!
I think what I've learned is that Older Child is better off being a little neglected.... our world has spun around her for the last three years and it's good for her to see that life is about other people too. When I don't rush to help her every second she calls, it forces her to think out things on her own and give her self a little independence. And for Younger Child, I think that as long as I'm giving her lots of love and cuddle time, it's not going to matter in the end if I'm not pulling out the classical music for her to listen to or spending hours a day doing tummy time.
I wish that I could give you a hug and tell you that things are going to be just fine. I always am amazed at the things you and Brandon post about the boys. Parker is SOOOOOO smart and little Andrew already is as tough as they come!!! You ARE doing a great job with both of them!!!!!
Just remember to give yourself a little credit for all the time and things you DO do with them. And I promise, in a couple months you'll look back and wonder why you ever worried about it!"

Her words have worked wonders for me and I am learning to let go of the things I'm NOT doing with each of the boys and focus on all of the things I am able to do with them and make those moments as great as they can be! These two boys are BOTH the center of the universe and now that I have the two kid mentality, it is much easier for me to teach Parker about his new life with a brother. It's so much fun for me to see them together and know that they are going to grow up as brothers and deep down I know that they will never know about my "mommy guilt" and that in a few months, I will look back on how I feel and think it was silly.

In our crazy lives, it's often hard to see these small moments that mean so much to our everyday life. I am so thankful that I asked my friend for advice and for her response. I am so happy with what I've learned from the past 11 weeks with my boys! What a roller coaster ride it has been...and with this new turning point, I am happy to say that, although I don't love real roller coasters, this ride that I'm on with these boys sure is fun!